The stress talking

We come to it at last....these final few months of med school leading up to the MBBS. I used to be eager to quickly start working but with only three months of school left, I can't help but feel sad that it's going to end. Leaving behind our sheltered student life, the friends that we have been through so many postings with, the zero real responsibility in the wards.... I don't feel ready, to take the exam, to start working, to lead a grown-up life, to get hitched, to live away from my family... I don't wanna grow up!!!! At least we will still be doing the same things together, as in embark on HOship together. I guess I'm scared of change and uncertainty and leaving my comfort zone and going out into the unknown future :(

Here I am, Lord

I will go Lord, if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart

Monday is over

It's not so bad now... I've gotten used to the travelling, the tutorials are fine, clerking Geri patients is fine, have stopped afternoon naps and now bathe immediately when I reach home to get rid of hospital grime and have started to do some productive work. As best as I can anyway. Only thing bothering me is my second ulcer now....on the floor of my mouth. It hurts when I eat, brush teeth etc. I'm starting to wonder if my love for eating food piping hot is the problem. Does eating food that (almost) burns your mouth cause apthous ulcers?

Frivolous dreams

Today I spent 45 mins listening to a webcast by a tutor who's probably really lovely but speaks for the entire duration of the lecture in the most cringe-worthy up and down tune kind of voice. You know, like how we were taught to read for oral exams in primary school.:/

In my ideal life, I wake up at 8, have a lovely breakfast (such as eggs ben with smoked salmon and soy latte) at home, go back to bed and read a novel on some days or go to the gym for hot yoga or other classes, art class on one day, have a fab lunch, head to hospital where I am a surgeon and do two surgeries or one big case, then meet friends for dinner and drinks/ have homecooked dinner/ date night maybe movie...and sleep till another heavenly 8 am day begins. In this life, I also go on weekend getaways and do not work on Fridays, which is the day I go running at Clarke quay or the Botanic gardens. Or get a headstart on my weekend getaway. Or go shopping and stock up my wardrobe of beautiful clothes for all occasions. Or swim in my pool with a dark wood flooring deck.

What a wonderful dream. Or doing all these in London! Or in a warmer place with amazing beaches. Then I could take surfing and diving lessons!

Ok time to sleep. 5.50 am day tomorrow in my current life

Geri posting

I <3 <3 <3 grey's anatomy! Favorite way to relax on a Friday night in. Favourite tv show ever! May God bless my patient who passed away yesterday.

4-day weekend

I went through the MBBS exam slides today. 6-23 March. 4 months to the end of med school. 4 months to the biggest exam of our lives. To the start of working life and end of student life forever! When the responsibility will be mine and not my senior's. It's time to shake off the sloth and prepare for battle soon. Lord carry me.

The cure for an insecure heart

Remedy

I swear I will never never never be too lazy to apply sunscreen ever again. This sunburn itch is driving me up the wall and I have lain in bed for two agonizing hours scratching like a delusional parasitosis patient. I regret (x10000) not using sunscreen and not owning any aloe vera gel. Am now waiting for the effects of piriton to kick in. If I'm able to wake up in 4.5h time under this sedation, I bet I'd be really doozy in class tmrw.

Sigh

My lids are not droopy yet.

I've realized that it helps, when I have a problem, to type the problem into Google, and find that millions of people have the same problem (or worse) and read the advice of many strangers.

I itch. :(

Terribly.

Itchy is me.

I want to eat another antihistamine but fear that I will die of respiratory depression. I do not want to go to school tmrw and scratch like a monkey on the MRT.

I hate the "I" word. God, I can't think about anything else. Apart from the aforementioned and the subject matter of my previous post. Ask me how I am and I will tell you I feel like $&@"%*€£••#. Absolutely hate this feeling. But of course I won't. The most outrageous cussing you might hear from me is shit. An innocent smelly piece of stool.

fuck.

Hello September

I'm in the slackest posting of M5 now where we can go out for lunch everyday and wear shorts to class :D it feels amazing! I have time to read my chick lit and use my hair mask. Lessons start at 10 am tomorrow (omg TEN am is an unknown luxury I'm gonna have a proper sit-down breakfast at 8), so I'm gonna read shopaholic and sister now!

Rainy night

Ever since I read H's post on running on a "grey skies morning" with an impending storm, I've been wanting to do that! There've been some mornings which have been exactly like that during my trudge to hospital but all I could do was look longingly at the sky. However by the time the work day ends all energy to run is gone. Recently I had a bout of ulnar nerve neuropraxia which really scared me. Thank God I don't have MS!! Had a great day today. Love my new dress which came in the mail and my new top purchased online today and my new starry starry sky nails!! :) and my half day due to cramps! And the rain now!

You say I'm like a wall

From the well from which that one tear came Seems to brim one thousand more Threatening to flood these fresh floral sheets How much more weary can a heart feel? Will mine ever truly heal?

Long weekends are <3

Please.

Ballooning up

TGIF (now Saturday)!!! It has been a longgg week, despite the National Day holiday which was Such a blessing, and I'm now in bed with a yummy grape face mask. Achievement of the week: I'm now ACLS certified! Today I did a bit of shopping after paeds simulation and bought some hair accessories and a glittery iPhone screen protector. :) After the boys at lunch advised me to remove my current one to remove the bubbles after which it was near impossible to put it back! >:[ Nowadays, the conversation is forever about medicine. Residency, current posting, gossiping about med related stuff.....honestly I'm kinda getting tired of it. Don't we have other things in our lives to talk about?

All day long

I feel sleepy. I am SATT (sleepy all the time)! <:( How do I cure it?

M5

I'm officially M5 now. Omg it's so stressful! There is a constant pressure to study. And I'm constantly thinking 'as a M5 I ought to know So much more'. Feeling super guilty cuz I only spent a total of 5 mins studying this weekend. Sigh. Promise to study hard tmrw!!!

I know I shouldn't whine but....

I feel bad tonight. My teeth (post-wisdom tooth extraction day 3) hurts and the pain radiates to my left jaw, left face and left temple! :(

And I have this constant dull epigastric pain ?from situps or due to Arcoxia. So I had to eat two bananas but it's still there.

I downloaded two movies and Notting Hill only had a non-English audio track (sigh) and Clueless is So bimbotic.

Only productive thing I've done today is edit my paper.

Love means never having to say you're sorry

I watched two great movies these two days.
1. Love Story (1970) - *****!
 2. Say Anything (1989) - ***

Went to run today and it felt awesome. :) Despite the sun and supreme dip in my fitness level cuz I've been sedentary for two months.

I like GS

I wish there were more time....I wanna do so many things. Wanna follow OT call and HO2's call tomorrow. Wanna run (input output balance has been positive for weeks). Wanna go shopping. Wanna write paper (seriously delayed. In my con's words, stop playing!!! Have started tonight but progress unsatisfactory.) Even when things are done at GS speed i.e. Walk at 3x normal speed, there are still not enough hours in a day. Spent last night shivering in the call room cuz I was too lazy to get scrubs. Tonight in warm bed - sleep!! :)

My alien

I'm at KL airport coming home already :) This trip has been most lovely....so many happy memories. So many to pick from I don't know which is my favorite. Maybe it's the one where I wiped my tears off your shoulders and you smiled your super cute smile at me. (;

We will run and not grow weary for our God will be our strength

The past few weeks have flown by so quickly and I haven't had much time to myself.. Back from India and going to KL day after tomorrow. The highlights were 1)Got to do minor surgeries on a pig, 2)Did more stitches in one day in the minor OT yesterday than I've done in my life, 3)Started trauma posting, 4)well, many more that I cannot remember. My days since returning back from India have just been a mad whirl of trying to finish preparing for presentations, catching up with sleep..these days I can go to bed at 830pm. Haha. Goodnight!

5.5h of sleep tonight

I went running today and cuz the last time was over a week ago, I think I huffed and puffed a little more today than usual. Haha but it was a good run and I took a different (more explorative) route today. :)

Have lots of things on my to-do list which grows everyday and I've not been very good at striking items off the list. Cannot wait for the day I stop worrying about all the little things when they are done. No more procrastination!!

Praise God! :)

Even when I do not ask, I receive.

Thank you.

The knight, the cow and eggs

Night-time running feels really good....it's dark which makes the distance that stretches ahead just a dark road which seems shorter than in the day.

Today my bfs had a whatsapp conversation 46 (!!!) text messages long causing me to drift in and out of sleep!! And guess the topic of importance....... Mala hotpot. Haha my dears

Yawn!!!

I am feeling very sleepy but my stomach ache is preventing me from sleeping.

When I went running yesterday, a gust of wind blew my towel onto the grass. And now I have a mini break-out. Urghhhh!!!

Far away for far too long

For various reasons, I have not gone to church for the past four weeks. I can't wait to go back this weekend! It feels like I have so much to tell God about....and I want to talk to Him about so many things.

The reason I missed church last week was cuz I spent the weekend in lovely Bintan!!! An awesome trip (:

The ferry there and back gave me nice roller coaster tummy flops. The beach was gorgeous and we got to see it at 1 am and during high tide..we were clad in windbreakers and learnt the constellations with the aid of google astrology maps haha. The darkness and the waves seemed to set the scene for a thundestorm/hurricane! As I was standing on the beach then I learnt anew the meaning of 'Be still and know I am God' and my heart was at peace amidst the chilly surroundings. The second night we didn't sleep at all and managed to catch the sunrise and run on the beach at sunrise and swim after (:

Had my first laser quest and archery experience.... Ate frog's legs after years of abstaining since I last dissected a frog. Saw jellyfish and clams up close!!! (eew but so yummy-the clams). Went to sembung kelong for a seafood dinner. Oh and all 11 of us went for massage! Got to know some friends better, made some new ones and plenty of good conversation (:

Oh and I got to drive the buggy 6 times!!!! :D

Missing it much but I have all these lovely memories :)

Run

Once again, I have the urge to grab my towel and run....to leave this hell behind and run free with the white birds along the first stretch of the path, then the water and occasional boat and the spot with sand under a bridge.....people fishing. The fork between ponggol park and ponggol proper and finally my favorite rest spot on the sit-up bench. Where normally my tears would have been dried by the wind and my heart soothed by nature.

Raspberry cheesecake

School has started again and we are doing community health project now for six weeks..this chapter of med school is very different from the rest. It's like JC Project Work One More Time.

Tmrw I get to miss a day of CHP for the first surgery of my life as a patient! Imagine if I had chosen to do it under GA....tmrw I'd be hooked up to the monitoring equipment dressed in gown, lying on narrow steel OT table, hearing my own heart rate beepbeepbeep, possibly singing twinkle twinkle little star instead of counting from ten to one like a patient did, someone bagging me, getting intubated, probably getting ponv being a female non-smoker..exciting, no? But nah, I opted for the safer needle pricks. Lord please protect my trigeminal nerve from the shiny instruments.

Today my life begins. :)