Hologram hearts

Somewhere in 2013, I made a mistake that hurt someone I love. I'm not sure how it all went horribly wrong, or how I could have prevented it from turning out the way that it did. All I know is a deep regret; and it was then that I learnt the depth of the feeling I am sorry.

Now it is 2017, and I am 4 years older but probably not that much wiser. Some nights I feel like I'm on the verge of making a similar mistake. There is no way of knowing the consequences of your actions. It could lead to a beautiful outcome or a repeat of the mistake of your younger years. Is the glimpse of the possibility of happy ever after worth the immense risk?

What I keep in my heart but have not told you... I'm sorry for everything that I've done.

friday the 13th

2017 is here. I've been watching The legend of the blue sea. Lee Min Ho!!! (oh, my heart)

Since my last post, I've completed my third solo trip which was to China! Chengdu (such cute pandas munching on bamboo and rolling around), Jiuzhaigou (where snow fell and made it magical - one of my most memorable trips) and Beijing (where I discovered apple vinegar). Feeling nostalgic now and like I should plan my forth solo trip! What is it about solo trips that are so addictive?

At the moment, I am 27 and (still) living at home and really wish that I would move out to live what I consider "a real adult life" soon. I am engaged to be married and I have discovered the new love of my life, Lego!! I played it all the time as a kid, and fell in love again. My latest build, which started tonight, is the Assembly Square.

Hehe.. I am 27 going on 7...

P.S. can't believe when I started this blog I was 19!

A golden galaxy

Wow is this place still alive? Hello nightswim, it's been two years. How are you doing? I'm okay. The coolest thing that's happened to me recently has been getting my fabulous new phone which I'm using now, and little much else. Oh, also that I've completed my second ever solo trip which was to Europe.   The first solo trip, which this blog has also missed, was to Korea.

Not much but a lot has changed since the last post. I am a full fledged doctor now, and I read my previous posts which I wrote when I was an enthusiastic medical student with some nostalgia. Finally my dream has come to fruition, I get to help people with their problems every day now, and get paid to do it. Not all of my dreams have come true. Some got lost in the years gone by and my life has taken an unplanned path. I don't know if it's good or bad.

I miss writing. I write very little now. My language has certainly taken a ....how d'ya say it? Toll for the worst? Turn for the worst? You see, it's taken a toll and not a turn but it's for the worst, and I was unable to string it nicely into a structurally correct sentence, so you see what I mean.
[edit: I mean "worse" not "worst". Arrrghh my engrish!! Heh.]

you only need the light when it's burning low

Have been away a long time and when I opened this page I saw a series of depressing posts....is it cuz I just come here when I'm feeling low? Or is it that I have had an unhappy stretch in my life? Well, here's another one.

I'm at a low point in my life. Career wise,  family wise, friends wise, relationship wise....even body image wise. Is this what the pre middle age years look like? This paunch and flab that persist as a result of laziness and lack of motivation. Even the difficulty in putting any effort into wearing clothes that require ironing and my appearance. How do I snap out of this?!

What are friends truly? How is it that the trust built over years of friendship can be so friable  and intangible? When did support turn into judgement and when did I start having to filter my words around my friends? When did I stop being able to confide in them? The people that I believed would be there for me to the end, those I assumed knew me best of all, do I really know them? Do they really have my best interests at heart?

Let it go

It's the best weather to go running now when it's cloudy grey skies out. It would be great to clear my mind and blow off the stress of the past few weeks. Unfortunately I'm not recovered from the flu and run the risk of viral myocarditis...maybe tomorrow.

On a brighter note, I managed to watch an artsy film today 'Before sunrise'. Have the two sequels in store :) also, my long-awaited leave is next week!! And going to watch Frozen tonight!

So it's over

I guess I never really thought it would really truly end. Not when we argued. Not when we broke up. Not when you told me you went on a date. Not when I went out with someone else. Not that I thought it would work out, but it was really hard to imagine that it would end. But when I heard you say those words.....

Post call

Have been in bed the whole day after a most tiring night.

Weekend off

These are the best kinds of weekend ever. Waking up at 830 to eat beef pie stuffed with mozarella (ai xin zao can) by mom, watching three episodes of season 10 of grey's anatomy, listening to radio with grandma, long naps, reading jane green novels, having meals together and celebrating gma's birthday, pampering myself with my new brazil nut cream exfoiliating bath.

Only im sick and having a sore throat and runny nose and on call monday....

How I feel about you...

is like I would do just about anything to take your pain away and see you smile again.

Just want to curl up and die.

Acute confusional state

Delirium?!

What is happening to me...................................... @.@

Home movie night

I've just finished watching New York I Love You (in preparation for my trip there at the end of the year). It's a very artsy movie, and gives me the feeling that I'm people-watching. Quite enjoyed it.

Goodbye my patient,

The first one I've lost.

Starting work

It feels surreal that I'm starting work on Thursday!! It seems like from ages ago, I have been saying that I can't wait to grow up and start work and live a real adult life. But now that it's just three days away....

My student life is really and truly OVER! (Can't believe it :o) New phase of my life begins....where I have to start thinking about what percentage of income to save, whether to invest, and other grown up things. Hehe I still feel like a kid, really.

Finally my Internet is at a good speed (thanks to my dear bf)

Phuket was fun, we lived like kings in a luxurious house :) Breakfast with a splendid ocean view, dinners enjoying sunset, and good company.

I always thought that I had my whole life planned out.... Was going to be a surgical resident this year, then a consultant after five years of training. Was going to get married by 26 years old, and living in a lovely apartment designed by myself and the interior designer. Was going to have my first child by 30 years old. Was going to get my license within 8 months of working, and own a car by the time I'm a MO.

BUT........

I'm a ways away from the game plan. Oh well, God will make a way for me. Doesn't matter that I can't decide what to do career-wise just yet, doesn't matter that my love life had a terribly rocky patch, or the myriad of mixed feelings, or that I have to go for surgery to get rid of Sally.

Take all that daily toil, plants in our heart’s poor soil, 
Take all we start and spoil, each hopeful dream.
The chances we have missed, the graces we resist, 
Lord, in thy Eucharist, take and redeem.

My first stay home free day

Love this type of day. All I've done today is sleep in and eat a nachos cheese bread and white chocolate mocha!

So MBBS is over. I am finally on the other side of the line now! :) It has been a hectic year with stress +++ at the end. A few milestones and bucket list events in my life all happened in these short months...MBBS, grad trip, parasailing, and going for my first surgery ever (as a patient) soon.

Just got back from Whitsundays and Sydney. Will be going to Genting tomorrow and Phuket soon! :)

I <3 holidays.="" p="">

My life is almost perfect

MBBS is over. It was the most stressful exam of my life.

Leaving for Aussie in two days! :)

One month to go

It's actually not that bad....we get to stay home, no need to wake up before dawn to go to hospital, no need to eat at kopitiam everyday, no need to take endless MRT rides. Plus it's two and a half weeks of break! One of the 'long' holidays in med school. As Prof K said, it's a rite of passage and this period is when immense acquisition of knowledge happens. Once you pass, you are worthy to be called a doctor. Sleep and eat well and study hard!!!!

You shall wander far in safety, though you do not know the way

I had a very happy weekend with my family and my alien :)

My new study plan is too sleep at 10 every night so that I'm fresh the next day!

Baby

Sometimes being in a relationship brings more loneliness than being alone. Because it is only when you have known intimacy that you learn the feeling of being without.

Sitting in an empty room

It's January 20 12:12 am.

I have just filled up my employment application form. Took a day off mugging today and let myself have a yummy brunch, sleep a lot and watch Grey's Anatomy. But..........I'm still kinda blue. Everyday should have enough time for soy lattes, espresso maple bacon and green tea kitkats, all of which I had today (:

Somehow when I'm down, Linkin Park would play in my head...haha. At the moment it's Waiting for the end to come.

:(((((((((((((((