Dear God,
Today was such a lovely day (Playhouse day). Spent with so many of my favourite people :D
As tomorrow shall be as well. Thank you for the wonderful weekend.
New favourite cake: NYDC's Mochamisu
Told stupid Q gleefully that I got a huge slice and he announced it to everyone haha. Thank you for lovely friends that make me happy, that I sit here typing this when I'm so sleepy. Thank you for each of them who make me smile as I think of them now.
Medicine EOPT is over, thank you God for letting me pass. Thank you that it is time for a break, cuz I really could not go on much longer. As you know, on the very first day of Gen Med posting I was already tired. Lord, please let the patients whom You took home be united with You in heaven, especially the two from my ward. Lord, you give, and you take away, in Your time. And we were caught off guard, because Your time is not predictable. When I stood in the crowded space within the drawn curtains watching my first resus case, all I could do was stare. At the patient, at the doctor doing the resus, at the other doctors, at the nurse, at the vitals monitor........ I can't really describe what I felt then, in fact I think I don't really know.
Thank you for Winter, I know she has been trying to tell me that I should spend more time with her and not keep telling her that I'm going to bathe, and then that I'm going out. Please help me to make time for her cuz I love her and actions speak louder than words.
Lord, you know everything there is to know about me. Even the answer to the question I asked myself tonight while on the way home: Why am I always like this? Why do I always react like this and feel like this? When I feel afraid, think I've lost my way, still You're here right beside me. I don't know why it always comes back to me feeling this way, Lord help me to grow, help me to change, teach me Your ways and guide my words and my steps. Most importantly, may You guide my words and deeds that I may not hurt anyone dear to me.
And as always, thank you for never leaving me and for being the best listener ever whom I can pour out my heart to anytime and all the time. Truly You are the love of my life and may You give me the grace to be more faithful.
Love,
me
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Love
There is an Ahma in my ward who lays in her hospital bed by morning light and by night. She doesn't open her eyes unless we open them for her first but she is fair with a chubby face and I can imagine that she must have been great company, a wonderful mother, wife, grandmother. For she is so very much loved. Day after day, at all times of the day, there is family, perhaps one, perhaps all together, sitting on foldable chairs that they bring from home keeping vigil by her bedside. Sponging her face, massaging her calfs, stroking her arms, wiping away the bubbles that she blows in her sleep. Every day during rounds they wear a common protective worried look that may come across as demanding to one seeing them for the first time. Their chairs may intrude on the neighbour patient's space, they may have stolen the opposite patient's "granny chair" for Ahgong to rest more comfortably, and be labelled as "difficult family who deprives other patient of granny chair".
Their care is so observant that they were able to tell the doctors what time it was on an unfortunate day that they noticed the change in Ahma's responsiveness, sharper than our around-the-clock care, alerting us that the change in her mental state may not be due to just sepsis. Also, what is remarkable is how well-informed they are about Ahma's past medical history. This is not surprising as they request for updates during daily morning rounds.
Today it was just before 11 am as I listened to the update given to Ahma's family. They were informed that Ahma had suffered another stroke the day before, so during the exchange they were concerned primarily about her prognosis (not likely to be able to understand and speak again), causes of the new stroke, rehab...... Ahma's daughter asked all the questions that I would have asked in her position, one question leading to another and another, trying to get an understanding (really, of what we learn everyday- diagnosis, severity, aetiology, complications) and her despair and the family's deep sadness and loss were evident. Just then, Ahma's grandson, who is around my age came into the ward to visit his grandma. As he walked in I could almost see his thoughts through his eyes..... first the reality of it all hits him anew, then he greets his grandma, bends over to hug her, talks to her, gently pries open her eyes and tells her that he has come to see her. The doctor is still telling Ahma's daughter and son about the abovementioned issues and I am close to tears.
When I was about 11 an ambulance came to my house to bring my grandma to the hospital and the paramedics carried her onto an orange stretcher. My mom told my grandma that we would pack some stuff and come to visit her slightly later at night. I stood at my door watching them take her way and I was so scared and overwhelmed and had so many questions but I didn't ask them cuz I was trying my very best not to cry (thought I had to be strong or something). I remember asking God over and over to let her be okay.
They are older yes but is it any less scary now for them? And unlike the young me who didn't know anything except that grandma is sick enough to need to go to the hospital, they understand their Ahma's condition.... which is worse?
Their care is so observant that they were able to tell the doctors what time it was on an unfortunate day that they noticed the change in Ahma's responsiveness, sharper than our around-the-clock care, alerting us that the change in her mental state may not be due to just sepsis. Also, what is remarkable is how well-informed they are about Ahma's past medical history. This is not surprising as they request for updates during daily morning rounds.
Today it was just before 11 am as I listened to the update given to Ahma's family. They were informed that Ahma had suffered another stroke the day before, so during the exchange they were concerned primarily about her prognosis (not likely to be able to understand and speak again), causes of the new stroke, rehab...... Ahma's daughter asked all the questions that I would have asked in her position, one question leading to another and another, trying to get an understanding (really, of what we learn everyday- diagnosis, severity, aetiology, complications) and her despair and the family's deep sadness and loss were evident. Just then, Ahma's grandson, who is around my age came into the ward to visit his grandma. As he walked in I could almost see his thoughts through his eyes..... first the reality of it all hits him anew, then he greets his grandma, bends over to hug her, talks to her, gently pries open her eyes and tells her that he has come to see her. The doctor is still telling Ahma's daughter and son about the abovementioned issues and I am close to tears.
When I was about 11 an ambulance came to my house to bring my grandma to the hospital and the paramedics carried her onto an orange stretcher. My mom told my grandma that we would pack some stuff and come to visit her slightly later at night. I stood at my door watching them take her way and I was so scared and overwhelmed and had so many questions but I didn't ask them cuz I was trying my very best not to cry (thought I had to be strong or something). I remember asking God over and over to let her be okay.
They are older yes but is it any less scary now for them? And unlike the young me who didn't know anything except that grandma is sick enough to need to go to the hospital, they understand their Ahma's condition.... which is worse?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
10/10/10
It's not okay. Honestly, it's not okay, and I am a little angry and it is just not a good enough excuse. But you obviously can't tell my disappointment even though I could not mask the flat tone of my voice. I'm done trying.
Now that I've got that piece of unhappiness off my chest. Ortho posting has ended (oh joy) with rather dreadful OSCEs and an otherwise really satisfying day of eating really satisfying meals, shopping and watching Eat Pray Love with good company. (:
Two episodes Grey's Anatomy marathon begins NOW :D
Now that I've got that piece of unhappiness off my chest. Ortho posting has ended (oh joy) with rather dreadful OSCEs and an otherwise really satisfying day of eating really satisfying meals, shopping and watching Eat Pray Love with good company. (:
Two episodes Grey's Anatomy marathon begins NOW :D
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