Raspberry cheesecake

School has started again and we are doing community health project now for six weeks..this chapter of med school is very different from the rest. It's like JC Project Work One More Time.

Tmrw I get to miss a day of CHP for the first surgery of my life as a patient! Imagine if I had chosen to do it under GA....tmrw I'd be hooked up to the monitoring equipment dressed in gown, lying on narrow steel OT table, hearing my own heart rate beepbeepbeep, possibly singing twinkle twinkle little star instead of counting from ten to one like a patient did, someone bagging me, getting intubated, probably getting ponv being a female non-smoker..exciting, no? But nah, I opted for the safer needle pricks. Lord please protect my trigeminal nerve from the shiny instruments.

Today my life begins. :)

Tired awake and alone

It is absurd to feel so sad over Rittersport butter biscuit chocolates. I must be under a lot of stress :(

December

So relieved that my con said the abstract draft that I wrote is decent.

I feel very wound up inside....because I've been trying to put a lid on my emotions, modifying what I want to say so that what is expressed is acceptable, restraining my actions.. :( I just need to find a release or separate myself somehow.

Tomorrow the M4 exam prep begins Lord please guide me every step of the way

Bedtime

I feel exhausted....eyes are tired, left shoulder is pain, head is ache, mildly sob it's like I can't take a big enough breath. Would love it if my room were pitch black as a hospital call room, or a comfortable warm sleepy night-light lighting..rather than think dark dark shade of grey with the all-too-familiar outlines of my furniture and the slit of light next to my door.

But the hols are here :))) think I need more lie-ins, nua at home time and some exercise.

Sealie

Dear old friend,

I had a dream about you last night..I didnt wanna wake up in the morning. Maybe it was inspired by jay chou's new song ni hao ma. Which is what I really want to know....how have you been over the years? And how are you doing abroad now? You must be having the time of your life now- this had always been your dream.

You look the same as ever. The same cheeky cute smile, red face, weird faces and bright eyes.

Do you remember? The good times that we had, and the bad. Now that all these years have passed, could we be friends again? Will we ever be friends again? Does this ever happen to you like it happens to me....on my bed on a random night the night before a test thinking about the past, and though we have moved many miles and memories and mistakes on, feeling a hole where you used to be....

I know it's a one in a millionth chance that you'd be reading this..but by the chance of that impossible odds you are, please take care, don't drink excessively, and even though I'm far too chicken to make the first move, I never stop holding out for the one day that we may possibly be friends again.