Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
December
So relieved that my con said the abstract draft that I wrote is decent.
I feel very wound up inside....because I've been trying to put a lid on my emotions, modifying what I want to say so that what is expressed is acceptable, restraining my actions.. :( I just need to find a release or separate myself somehow.
Tomorrow the M4 exam prep begins Lord please guide me every step of the way
I feel very wound up inside....because I've been trying to put a lid on my emotions, modifying what I want to say so that what is expressed is acceptable, restraining my actions.. :( I just need to find a release or separate myself somehow.
Tomorrow the M4 exam prep begins Lord please guide me every step of the way
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Bedtime
I feel exhausted....eyes are tired, left shoulder is pain, head is ache, mildly sob it's like I can't take a big enough breath. Would love it if my room were pitch black as a hospital call room, or a comfortable warm sleepy night-light lighting..rather than think dark dark shade of grey with the all-too-familiar outlines of my furniture and the slit of light next to my door.
But the hols are here :))) think I need more lie-ins, nua at home time and some exercise.
But the hols are here :))) think I need more lie-ins, nua at home time and some exercise.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sealie
Dear old friend,
I had a dream about you last night..I didnt wanna wake up in the morning. Maybe it was inspired by jay chou's new song ni hao ma. Which is what I really want to know....how have you been over the years? And how are you doing abroad now? You must be having the time of your life now- this had always been your dream.
You look the same as ever. The same cheeky cute smile, red face, weird faces and bright eyes.
Do you remember? The good times that we had, and the bad. Now that all these years have passed, could we be friends again? Will we ever be friends again? Does this ever happen to you like it happens to me....on my bed on a random night the night before a test thinking about the past, and though we have moved many miles and memories and mistakes on, feeling a hole where you used to be....
I know it's a one in a millionth chance that you'd be reading this..but by the chance of that impossible odds you are, please take care, don't drink excessively, and even though I'm far too chicken to make the first move, I never stop holding out for the one day that we may possibly be friends again.
I had a dream about you last night..I didnt wanna wake up in the morning. Maybe it was inspired by jay chou's new song ni hao ma. Which is what I really want to know....how have you been over the years? And how are you doing abroad now? You must be having the time of your life now- this had always been your dream.
You look the same as ever. The same cheeky cute smile, red face, weird faces and bright eyes.
Do you remember? The good times that we had, and the bad. Now that all these years have passed, could we be friends again? Will we ever be friends again? Does this ever happen to you like it happens to me....on my bed on a random night the night before a test thinking about the past, and though we have moved many miles and memories and mistakes on, feeling a hole where you used to be....
I know it's a one in a millionth chance that you'd be reading this..but by the chance of that impossible odds you are, please take care, don't drink excessively, and even though I'm far too chicken to make the first move, I never stop holding out for the one day that we may possibly be friends again.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
About guys and stuff
Today I met a guy who inspired this post. I may be pretty ambitious and feministic at times... And more than once, when I talk about how I feel that girls can be as good or even better than guys at a job and we shouldn't give up our dreams just cuz we wanna get married and have kids etc and the guys give me this look like woah you are not a normal girl kinda look.
Oh I digressed..anyway about this post. There are some guys who make you feel so pleasantly surprised by their gentlemanly, gentle (gentle not effeminate), and a sort of taking care of you manner (in a totally non-patronizing way that also doesn't make you feel like they are doing it cuz they think you are weak). Also, not in a way that makes you feel that he is interested in you or trying to impress you. More like they have been brought up to treat girls this way or it is just in their nature to do so. It's more than just opening doors and letting the girl go first etc....it's all these Plus. The Plus is the part that made me feel comfortable and pleasantly surprised..maybe more of a personality trait I guess.
I know there doesn't seem to be a connection between the two paragraphs haha. Well I suppose what I'm trying to say is although I feel what I feel (in the first paragraph), probably all girls like to be treated this way (as in the second paragraph) and I'm no different.
Anyway. Today was the first anesthesia OT posting. I love the NUH OT change room!!!! It brings to mind the word ERGONOMICS, a word the anesthetist used many times today. The room is large and tiered with lots of lockers and baju and shoes are on the lower floor, and when you go up a flight of maybe 7 steps you get to the floor with the toilets and showers. Also the placement of the OT baju at one end and the shoe cabinets at the OT end and the laundry bins is great. And the room is well lit with large mirrors and platforms that serve as seats to wear your shoes/put your stuff/sit around etc and the sinks and paper towels part is sort of like Ion's. I really like the layout and design of the place :) think the other doctors and nurses love it too early in the morning everyone was changing wherever they liked some in front of their lockers and it was really peaceful cuz you don't get in each others way there's plenty of space to do your own thing and many areas for privacy. I think it's really important and starts your day well cuz in the morning everyone's there so it can get quite crowded and ergonomics is important!
Of course the OT part was good as well really learnt a lot today. Today was one of the days when I'm reminded how much I really enjoy med school. Like you learn about how the patient's tongue flops back when he is unconscious and you really have to help him prevent aspiration... But you never fully get it until you are there and he falls asleep on propofol and you are failing to intubate cuz his enormous tongue is flopping everywhere. And how tired your hands are from pressing the mask firmly to his face and pulling his chin up. Everything that you learn becomes real and alive. And the OT is a really nice place. I think it's my favourite place in the hospital. When I first knew it it was foreign and a bit scary but now we feel really at home there. Haha this deserves another post on its own really. But the short of it is that fun things happen there and patients get repaired.. You get to see really cool things like uterus didelphys and feel tumours... It is clean and cool unlike the wards that can be quite stuffy. And there is a whole symphony of activity from anaes prep to op to reversal and such coordination, precision and teamwork. And you can wear old faded scrubs which are the most comfy clothes. The pantry has free OT lunch and has a nice communal feel. There is even Milo and sugar and others stocked in bottles to make your own drink. When I tell my mom these things especially the medical parts she goes a bit green and says "I can't imagine why you and meimei would want to do these things". Haha I guess fun and enjoyment is subjective.
Long weekend time to sleep!! Have watched 3 episodes of the channel 8 9 o'clock show (the lead actress is so pretty and the lead actor is quite cute) and this week's episode of grey's. :) :)
Oh I digressed..anyway about this post. There are some guys who make you feel so pleasantly surprised by their gentlemanly, gentle (gentle not effeminate), and a sort of taking care of you manner (in a totally non-patronizing way that also doesn't make you feel like they are doing it cuz they think you are weak). Also, not in a way that makes you feel that he is interested in you or trying to impress you. More like they have been brought up to treat girls this way or it is just in their nature to do so. It's more than just opening doors and letting the girl go first etc....it's all these Plus. The Plus is the part that made me feel comfortable and pleasantly surprised..maybe more of a personality trait I guess.
I know there doesn't seem to be a connection between the two paragraphs haha. Well I suppose what I'm trying to say is although I feel what I feel (in the first paragraph), probably all girls like to be treated this way (as in the second paragraph) and I'm no different.
Anyway. Today was the first anesthesia OT posting. I love the NUH OT change room!!!! It brings to mind the word ERGONOMICS, a word the anesthetist used many times today. The room is large and tiered with lots of lockers and baju and shoes are on the lower floor, and when you go up a flight of maybe 7 steps you get to the floor with the toilets and showers. Also the placement of the OT baju at one end and the shoe cabinets at the OT end and the laundry bins is great. And the room is well lit with large mirrors and platforms that serve as seats to wear your shoes/put your stuff/sit around etc and the sinks and paper towels part is sort of like Ion's. I really like the layout and design of the place :) think the other doctors and nurses love it too early in the morning everyone was changing wherever they liked some in front of their lockers and it was really peaceful cuz you don't get in each others way there's plenty of space to do your own thing and many areas for privacy. I think it's really important and starts your day well cuz in the morning everyone's there so it can get quite crowded and ergonomics is important!
Of course the OT part was good as well really learnt a lot today. Today was one of the days when I'm reminded how much I really enjoy med school. Like you learn about how the patient's tongue flops back when he is unconscious and you really have to help him prevent aspiration... But you never fully get it until you are there and he falls asleep on propofol and you are failing to intubate cuz his enormous tongue is flopping everywhere. And how tired your hands are from pressing the mask firmly to his face and pulling his chin up. Everything that you learn becomes real and alive. And the OT is a really nice place. I think it's my favourite place in the hospital. When I first knew it it was foreign and a bit scary but now we feel really at home there. Haha this deserves another post on its own really. But the short of it is that fun things happen there and patients get repaired.. You get to see really cool things like uterus didelphys and feel tumours... It is clean and cool unlike the wards that can be quite stuffy. And there is a whole symphony of activity from anaes prep to op to reversal and such coordination, precision and teamwork. And you can wear old faded scrubs which are the most comfy clothes. The pantry has free OT lunch and has a nice communal feel. There is even Milo and sugar and others stocked in bottles to make your own drink. When I tell my mom these things especially the medical parts she goes a bit green and says "I can't imagine why you and meimei would want to do these things". Haha I guess fun and enjoyment is subjective.
Long weekend time to sleep!! Have watched 3 episodes of the channel 8 9 o'clock show (the lead actress is so pretty and the lead actor is quite cute) and this week's episode of grey's. :) :)
Monday, October 24, 2011
Unexpressed
...... ....zzzzz !!!!!!! - ---- --- & @@@@@ ____________________________!!
????????????????????????????????
*** :):):):):):) (;(;(;(; :(:/:/ :( ....? "......." ||
~~~~~~~~~~ ~ <3 + # & hsiwjeyaosmdkjshhwjko!!!!!!!
18
??????????:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:|:|
6+++++oooooooooooooooooo!!
???:(
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
????????????????????????????????
*** :):):):):):) (;(;(;(; :(:/:/ :( ....? "......." ||
~~~~~~~~~~ ~ <3 + # & hsiwjeyaosmdkjshhwjko!!!!!!!
18
??????????:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:|:|
6+++++oooooooooooooooooo!!
???:(
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Where my heart is
Oh noo I can't sleep..have been in bed for almost 3 hours. This is gonna lead to me oversleeping and being late for church tomorrow and losing $2 to J darnnnn. Considered taking piriton or atarax but then I won't be functional tmrw.
This is bad. I gotta stop taking afternoon naps..
This is bad. I gotta stop taking afternoon naps..
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
OMG
OMGGGGG. I just killed a tiny lizard. With boiling water. My anxiety level is ++++++++. Shit I feel evil causing its probably painful death. But at the same time so relieved. And still scared with anxiety super +++
Psy
Never thought I'd be saying this..but 830 am days are the best. 830 am (plus the new circle line) means to me, even if I sleep at 1 am, I still get 5 and a half hours of sleep, which is great! :)
Crap better get to sleep just remembered all the stuff I was supposed to study for weds
Crap better get to sleep just remembered all the stuff I was supposed to study for weds
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The day I discovered x
Tonight I found out an enormous piece of news.. Like impact factor 5 sort of information. It literally caused my jaw to drop and palpitations. I guess it doesn't change anything. But all my life, in all my 22 years I never knew. With the limited knowledge that I had, the younger me, at different ages, had always either 1) dramatized it so that I had a visual understanding, or 2) looked at it through rose-tinted glasses, making excuses and imagining various scenarios with the hope that the truth was the most ideal one, or 3) just wondered and wondered asking why why WHY??
I have more insight now, and the truth is disappointing and ugly and painful. But the hope that I have subconsciously held since I was a little girl is surprisingly not quelched.
I have more insight now, and the truth is disappointing and ugly and painful. But the hope that I have subconsciously held since I was a little girl is surprisingly not quelched.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Weekend woes
Really can't sleep now, having spent my entire day in bed with cramps. My day went like this: wake up - shower - go out for lunch with babes - eat yummylicious homebaked s'mores :) - rush home to do psy writeup - cramps - take meds and decide to sleep for two hours - woke up before two hours is up by the pain - sat on toilet bowl for an unproductive half hour - felt like dying and debated taking more meds though it wasn't time for more..arguments in my head about another different NSAID or more panadols etc - was desperate to the extent that thoughts of calling prof to ask what I should do appeared in my head but it was Sunday so - decided on the panadols and prayed ++ - did the deep breathing we learnt in psy - managed to sleep for two hours - woke up (8pm!!!) - ate porridge couldn't finish - ate three strawberry mochis from T :) - shower - recorded voice clip for playhouse audition - tried to do writeup and discovered the amount of detail I had to know about the patient goodness tomorrow I will have to go ask him all those intimate questions that even lovers may not know about each other - 1 am gave up - and here I am. Tomorrow will be a better day.
P.s. I do realize that the paragraph is a crazy mix of past and present tense.. Hehe too lazy to edit!
P.s. I do realize that the paragraph is a crazy mix of past and present tense.. Hehe too lazy to edit!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
While waiting
Oh nooo.. Instead of studying for my eye+ent+patho test on Friday, or submitting my paper to WJS, or sleeping early so I won't be late for church tomorrow, I spent the last 45 mins making my Japan album. And blogging now while waiting for the photos to be uploaded. :/ promise to be more hardworking tmrw. Like my sis, who has spent hours today sprawled over her anatomy text and atlas.
Feeling quite sleepy but only 34/120 photos have been uploaded.
Now, what should I talk about on my own blog?
My glittery pink nail polish on my toes are coming off.... When I had them done with my friends who chose yellow, blue-green, peachy pink, I didn't really like mine. But as time passed I got used to them and now I think they are really nice! I need to buy stockings and black pumps cuz I'm tired of wearing my white crocs!
A long time ago when I was a lower M, I used to look at the upper Ms in awe and respect and curiosity.. Thinking wow they look so wise and full of knowledge. Or that they looked so tired on some days and so worn out. Haha well now I'm an upper M (at last) and when I look at the juniors I think about how I was once there... And certainly I'm sure they must think we look old and tired, for our eyebags are starting to look like permanent allergic shiners. But for all the face masks used I'm glad to have come to where we are, our observational skills slightly sharper, our clinical thinking a tad more organized and refined. Also a bit more mature, no longer thinking that research is super boring, more excited about some stuff and less about others. With different goals too. Then I had thought I wanted to be a pediatrician/neonatologist haha.
There is an ulcer in my mouth. About one to two weeks now. Put bonjela yesterday and today but it hasn't worked wonders like it usually does.
10 more photos to go. Sleepy!!
Feeling quite sleepy but only 34/120 photos have been uploaded.
Now, what should I talk about on my own blog?
My glittery pink nail polish on my toes are coming off.... When I had them done with my friends who chose yellow, blue-green, peachy pink, I didn't really like mine. But as time passed I got used to them and now I think they are really nice! I need to buy stockings and black pumps cuz I'm tired of wearing my white crocs!
A long time ago when I was a lower M, I used to look at the upper Ms in awe and respect and curiosity.. Thinking wow they look so wise and full of knowledge. Or that they looked so tired on some days and so worn out. Haha well now I'm an upper M (at last) and when I look at the juniors I think about how I was once there... And certainly I'm sure they must think we look old and tired, for our eyebags are starting to look like permanent allergic shiners. But for all the face masks used I'm glad to have come to where we are, our observational skills slightly sharper, our clinical thinking a tad more organized and refined. Also a bit more mature, no longer thinking that research is super boring, more excited about some stuff and less about others. With different goals too. Then I had thought I wanted to be a pediatrician/neonatologist haha.
There is an ulcer in my mouth. About one to two weeks now. Put bonjela yesterday and today but it hasn't worked wonders like it usually does.
10 more photos to go. Sleepy!!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Japan (food)
Been eating mainly from Jap restaurants since I came back from Japan! Miss the food there.. the lovely katsu, unagi sushi, scallop sushi, tempura sauce, pumpkin tempura, snow crab sushi, ramen, ratatouille bread..... YUMMY!!
I wanna go for another conference. Of course, it's not about the food alone. Just that this post is dedicated to the most palatable Japanese cuisine (:
I wanna go for another conference. Of course, it's not about the food alone. Just that this post is dedicated to the most palatable Japanese cuisine (:
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A prayer
Dearest Lord,
I leave this matter in your capable hands. Please guide my words and choices every step of the way and protect me from anyone with ill intent. You are always by my side, empowering me with your love. With you in my heart, I know I never have to fear. Please always let me see your will clearly and give me the wisdom and courage to follow it.
Love,
Me
I leave this matter in your capable hands. Please guide my words and choices every step of the way and protect me from anyone with ill intent. You are always by my side, empowering me with your love. With you in my heart, I know I never have to fear. Please always let me see your will clearly and give me the wisdom and courage to follow it.
Love,
Me
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tomorrow
Going to the furthest possible block of the furthest possible hospital. Sigh
Oh well at least there is fish and chips and hazelnut coffee there.
Oh well at least there is fish and chips and hazelnut coffee there.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
It feels like.....
It doesn't matter how hard I try.
It doesn't matter how much I give, and how much I give up.
It doesn't matter what I do to try to please you.
I never succeed.
In your eyes, my flaws are magnified, and what good points I have- these are of no benefit to you.
You paint a picture of me in permanent ink
And the more you draw, the ink seeps through all the pages beneath
Such that I never start on a fresh page.
Today I have given of my time, my effort, and my love for you
And I feel completely drained.
And I kind of wish that I spent today watching webcasts instead, reading gynae ops. Having instant noodles, even wasting my time away reading a book in bed.
When I give you something, I don't expect anything good in return. I just wish I wouldn't receive so many not good in return.
It doesn't matter how much I give, and how much I give up.
It doesn't matter what I do to try to please you.
I never succeed.
In your eyes, my flaws are magnified, and what good points I have- these are of no benefit to you.
You paint a picture of me in permanent ink
And the more you draw, the ink seeps through all the pages beneath
Such that I never start on a fresh page.
Today I have given of my time, my effort, and my love for you
And I feel completely drained.
And I kind of wish that I spent today watching webcasts instead, reading gynae ops. Having instant noodles, even wasting my time away reading a book in bed.
When I give you something, I don't expect anything good in return. I just wish I wouldn't receive so many not good in return.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Week 3+3
Tomorrow is DAY OFF! :)) much needed day. These few days have been enjoyable but very tiring- clinic after tutorial after clerking after clinic...... My favourite parts of this week were (in no particular order)
1. O&G electives settled. If I do not end up doing O&G then it will be my last lovely month with all the gravid women and their normal pregnancies or very interesting conditions and deliveries and lscs and ctg and speculums....
2. Bumped into the parents of baby I delivered and they introduced me to the grandmother as the one who delivered their child :)) and the baby is soo cute and they are so happy with the new addition to their family and learning how much milk the baby needs etc such a joy
3. Following up hydrops case that was there from my first week who got readmitted really so interesting!
4. Japan plans underway
5. DAY OFF!
6. Placenta praevia major case s/p lscs both mother and baby are recovering well
1. O&G electives settled. If I do not end up doing O&G then it will be my last lovely month with all the gravid women and their normal pregnancies or very interesting conditions and deliveries and lscs and ctg and speculums....
2. Bumped into the parents of baby I delivered and they introduced me to the grandmother as the one who delivered their child :)) and the baby is soo cute and they are so happy with the new addition to their family and learning how much milk the baby needs etc such a joy
3. Following up hydrops case that was there from my first week who got readmitted really so interesting!
4. Japan plans underway
5. DAY OFF!
6. Placenta praevia major case s/p lscs both mother and baby are recovering well
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Recently I have been having a feeling.... Maybe best described as an envy, or a longing to have someone so wonderful as your dad, that I can be as affectionate with as you are... Someone so successful, yet so loving and dotes on you guys unconditionally. Can't really articulate my feelings very well. I just can't help but think that he is so wonderful, and you are so lucky.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Best Day of Med School
Today is the last day of the 2nd week of M4 and possibly the Best Day of Med School Ever! So it deserves a post all on its own. :)
Ranks up there with the day I did the I&D in OT on my own, the day when I scrubbed for the hernia repair, the call when I scrubbed for 2 cases in the EOT, the first surgery I scrubbed up for (Hartmann's), the no-sleep surg calls we did at TTSH.
Back to today. It started with rounds which were pretty enjoyable and then clerking 3 good cases with CG mate then mini tutorial with a nice nurse. Then a lovely free lunch with dessert before the cervical incompetence talk where I suffered post-prandial drowsiness sigh.. Went for clinic with my prof and got to do VEs/speculum/bimanual exam/obstetric exam and discuss every case with all my questions answered! Towards the end of the clinic session, he got called for a delivery so we went to Delivery suite and I delivered my first baby!! And my first placenta and first epi-repair (((: Very pleased that my youtube handtie and instrument tie watching with K in the LT paid off :D Didn't make all those mistakes that I made with the pelvic trainer- real vagina is much easier to sew.
It was a happy and pretty strange experience.... Watching the baby's hair still at the introitus, putting my hand in and feeling the overlap of the skull bones, baby's head molding before my eyes, the curiosity about how the baby would look like when more of the head started to appear as it was occiput-anterior, the amazement that restitution is really automatic and suddenly the baby's face is facing you! And you finally see the face. The delivery of the body was so fast and in three seconds the whole baby is out and you are the first one who saw it and pulled it out! Then it lets out a cry and really surprised me hahaha. (I keep calling the baby it cuz I was so excited by everything and didn't notice the baby's sex- she was a baby girl.) Controlled cord traction is fun... the placenta is not the colour I expected. Also, much more bleeding than I'd expected, and less pain. Would love to see the mom and baby post-op and see how cute the baby is (usually they are quite ugly when born but turn super cute and red on post-delivery day one) and look at the mom's episiotomy scar, but tmrw's is Sat sigh.
It sounds like the delivery was the main highlight.. it was, but the clinic part contributed significantly too.
And I made an interesting discovery haha.... the prof that I followed may have delivered ME! Haha!
Ranks up there with the day I did the I&D in OT on my own, the day when I scrubbed for the hernia repair, the call when I scrubbed for 2 cases in the EOT, the first surgery I scrubbed up for (Hartmann's), the no-sleep surg calls we did at TTSH.
Back to today. It started with rounds which were pretty enjoyable and then clerking 3 good cases with CG mate then mini tutorial with a nice nurse. Then a lovely free lunch with dessert before the cervical incompetence talk where I suffered post-prandial drowsiness sigh.. Went for clinic with my prof and got to do VEs/speculum/bimanual exam/obstetric exam and discuss every case with all my questions answered! Towards the end of the clinic session, he got called for a delivery so we went to Delivery suite and I delivered my first baby!! And my first placenta and first epi-repair (((: Very pleased that my youtube handtie and instrument tie watching with K in the LT paid off :D Didn't make all those mistakes that I made with the pelvic trainer- real vagina is much easier to sew.
It was a happy and pretty strange experience.... Watching the baby's hair still at the introitus, putting my hand in and feeling the overlap of the skull bones, baby's head molding before my eyes, the curiosity about how the baby would look like when more of the head started to appear as it was occiput-anterior, the amazement that restitution is really automatic and suddenly the baby's face is facing you! And you finally see the face. The delivery of the body was so fast and in three seconds the whole baby is out and you are the first one who saw it and pulled it out! Then it lets out a cry and really surprised me hahaha. (I keep calling the baby it cuz I was so excited by everything and didn't notice the baby's sex- she was a baby girl.) Controlled cord traction is fun... the placenta is not the colour I expected. Also, much more bleeding than I'd expected, and less pain. Would love to see the mom and baby post-op and see how cute the baby is (usually they are quite ugly when born but turn super cute and red on post-delivery day one) and look at the mom's episiotomy scar, but tmrw's is Sat sigh.
It sounds like the delivery was the main highlight.. it was, but the clinic part contributed significantly too.
And I made an interesting discovery haha.... the prof that I followed may have delivered ME! Haha!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
For all the unpublished posts
Only 2.5h of sleep last night and I'm still thinking of watching Toy Story now? Or should I watch The sweetest thing instead.
Dozed off for ~2 mins total during lectures today. Think that was what inspired the tutor to buy all that soft drinks and chips for us haha cuz I was in his direct line of view and obviously trying my very best.
Today was the first time I placed my hands on a gravid abdomen. Baby was breech! Lord, please take care of the 25-weeker and heal the mommy's chorioamnionitis (got my tongue twisted on this word all day).
Dozed off for ~2 mins total during lectures today. Think that was what inspired the tutor to buy all that soft drinks and chips for us haha cuz I was in his direct line of view and obviously trying my very best.
Today was the first time I placed my hands on a gravid abdomen. Baby was breech! Lord, please take care of the 25-weeker and heal the mommy's chorioamnionitis (got my tongue twisted on this word all day).
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Very long happy days
I'm so tired out from the ice-skating, the <5 hours of sleep last night, the best blueberry pancakes of all time, the about 7 games = 3 hours of badminton, the spicy spicy curry chicken noodles, the 15 min nap on my couch cuz I was too dirty to lie on my bed, the seriously big and yummy fajitas that took a lot of effort to eat. You have to cut a piece of prata like wrap, cut a piece of meat from the sizzling plate, scoop some mozzarella cheese and salsa, smear some sour cream and pesto on top to make one yummy bite.
Time to rest my aching bones and go away big bruise!
Time to rest my aching bones and go away big bruise!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Hello holidays!
Nothing can beat this feeling of sun on my skin, messy hair down, music in my ears and seven glorious weeks in front of me. :)))
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Relentless
Tossing and turning in bed now cuz these thoughts just wont stop running through my head.
That's the way I've always been. When there is a problem that I can't fix, my brain either consciously or not, just keeps going over and over, and on and on, presenting all angles and arguments. Most of the time, this is good to an extent- usually a solution is found that satisfies brain, and all the crap stops, I get a restful peace. But when the brain can't see the light, I am tormented.
All I want is just to stop thinking. Long enough to fall asleep, at least.
That's the way I've always been. When there is a problem that I can't fix, my brain either consciously or not, just keeps going over and over, and on and on, presenting all angles and arguments. Most of the time, this is good to an extent- usually a solution is found that satisfies brain, and all the crap stops, I get a restful peace. But when the brain can't see the light, I am tormented.
All I want is just to stop thinking. Long enough to fall asleep, at least.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
A prayer
Please please please let it be okay Lord. I don't know what to pray for and what to pray for it not to be.... But help me to trust you and leave it in Your hands. And please let my darling grandma never have to suffer, and live to a ripe old age that I may be able to pamper her and return a fraction of all the love she has given me my entire life.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Emo post
The most important quality of a pillowcase has got to be the texture. Looks are secondary. I have two new ?suede ones which are super soft and i can't stop touching them haha. Doesn't matter that it's winnie the pooh and his entire friggin family haha the feeling of the material against my skin is just luxurious.
I'm pretty tired tonight. A bit overstimulated by the choir concert. With the soprano keys and the bright lights amidst darkness, some super fast songs with everybody singing at the same time all superfast but different.....
Don't know what's wrong with me these days, most likely it's the pre-stress of exams dawning on me. Tend to get a bit edgy at exam time. Probably that and the girly hormones. And grandma's stuff. Sigh.
What I liked about you, initially, as I told some friends, was the feeling of timelessness when I was with you. It wasn't just that I never had to rush. It was the pure luxury of just sitting wherever didn't matter where eating whatever though usually something very yummy and having all this Space (imagine a lovely green field with some pretty flowers) in front of me to be myself, there was room to talk about anything, to be happy, enjoying each other's company. Each time I met you, I felt that this was the quality of your company.
Now, it hasn't changed That much, but timelessness no longer exists. And I'm thinking that it was probably naive of me to expect it to last cuz of cuz we live in a world where we need sleep a precious and scarce resource, where calls and work and 7 am rounds and 8 am lectures exist. They did too then but....... Now I can't have chocolate cake or some other sinful thing after dinner. Now I feel like I'm rushing constantly, always wary of when you are gonna say that you have an early day tomorrow or that you are tired etc. It may be selfish of me to miss the way that you made me feel but I do. And I promised myself that in this relationship I was gonna say everything that was on my mind or that I was wondering and I'm doing that less and less these days somehow all the things or questions sound like they are better not brought up.
There's no solution, you won't know cuz you won't read this, and anyway I will be spending all my time mugging for the April 27 exam so.. Anyway there's no solution that I can see. And it's time to start doing all the paeds readings.
I'm pretty tired tonight. A bit overstimulated by the choir concert. With the soprano keys and the bright lights amidst darkness, some super fast songs with everybody singing at the same time all superfast but different.....
Don't know what's wrong with me these days, most likely it's the pre-stress of exams dawning on me. Tend to get a bit edgy at exam time. Probably that and the girly hormones. And grandma's stuff. Sigh.
What I liked about you, initially, as I told some friends, was the feeling of timelessness when I was with you. It wasn't just that I never had to rush. It was the pure luxury of just sitting wherever didn't matter where eating whatever though usually something very yummy and having all this Space (imagine a lovely green field with some pretty flowers) in front of me to be myself, there was room to talk about anything, to be happy, enjoying each other's company. Each time I met you, I felt that this was the quality of your company.
Now, it hasn't changed That much, but timelessness no longer exists. And I'm thinking that it was probably naive of me to expect it to last cuz of cuz we live in a world where we need sleep a precious and scarce resource, where calls and work and 7 am rounds and 8 am lectures exist. They did too then but....... Now I can't have chocolate cake or some other sinful thing after dinner. Now I feel like I'm rushing constantly, always wary of when you are gonna say that you have an early day tomorrow or that you are tired etc. It may be selfish of me to miss the way that you made me feel but I do. And I promised myself that in this relationship I was gonna say everything that was on my mind or that I was wondering and I'm doing that less and less these days somehow all the things or questions sound like they are better not brought up.
There's no solution, you won't know cuz you won't read this, and anyway I will be spending all my time mugging for the April 27 exam so.. Anyway there's no solution that I can see. And it's time to start doing all the paeds readings.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Why you never
Reminders to self
This week i have to
1. Follow up on inpatient writeup case
2. Go clinic and find outpatient writeup case
3. Read up for thursday's emergency simulation
4. Read up for interactives
This week i have to
1. Follow up on inpatient writeup case
2. Go clinic and find outpatient writeup case
3. Read up for thursday's emergency simulation
4. Read up for interactives
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Potato heaven
Been eating Lots of potato lately. Potato salad, thinly sliced potato sauteed in sambal, sour cream and onion potato chips...... High glycaemic index!
One more day to study for fam med eopt (second day of studying for it) haha. Have cleared the distractions of the 9 o'clock channel 8 show by watching today so tomorrow I will only be distracted by the live episode. Hai. Terrible
One more day to study for fam med eopt (second day of studying for it) haha. Have cleared the distractions of the 9 o'clock channel 8 show by watching today so tomorrow I will only be distracted by the live episode. Hai. Terrible
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Come home honey
First time blogging from my bed!! Haha. Like the million other apple fans I've fallen under the apple spell. But I don't think there's a way to type in paragraphs.
Oh there is!
Superrr exhausted. A day of rib fractures and extra hot chicken.
Oh there is!
Superrr exhausted. A day of rib fractures and extra hot chicken.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Honestly
I still miss you, think of you sometimes
want to talk to you, eat desserts with you
maybe do electives with you
I just want to be your friend
Already the memories are starting to blur
as the days pass without you
I wish I'd done things a little differently
then maybe things'd be a lot different now
and we might not have hurt
3 am
my mind is drifting
want to talk to you, eat desserts with you
maybe do electives with you
I just want to be your friend
Already the memories are starting to blur
as the days pass without you
I wish I'd done things a little differently
then maybe things'd be a lot different now
and we might not have hurt
3 am
my mind is drifting
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
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