It doesn't matter how hard I try.
It doesn't matter how much I give, and how much I give up.
It doesn't matter what I do to try to please you.
I never succeed.
In your eyes, my flaws are magnified, and what good points I have- these are of no benefit to you.
You paint a picture of me in permanent ink
And the more you draw, the ink seeps through all the pages beneath
Such that I never start on a fresh page.
Today I have given of my time, my effort, and my love for you
And I feel completely drained.
And I kind of wish that I spent today watching webcasts instead, reading gynae ops. Having instant noodles, even wasting my time away reading a book in bed.
When I give you something, I don't expect anything good in return. I just wish I wouldn't receive so many not good in return.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Week 3+3
Tomorrow is DAY OFF! :)) much needed day. These few days have been enjoyable but very tiring- clinic after tutorial after clerking after clinic...... My favourite parts of this week were (in no particular order)
1. O&G electives settled. If I do not end up doing O&G then it will be my last lovely month with all the gravid women and their normal pregnancies or very interesting conditions and deliveries and lscs and ctg and speculums....
2. Bumped into the parents of baby I delivered and they introduced me to the grandmother as the one who delivered their child :)) and the baby is soo cute and they are so happy with the new addition to their family and learning how much milk the baby needs etc such a joy
3. Following up hydrops case that was there from my first week who got readmitted really so interesting!
4. Japan plans underway
5. DAY OFF!
6. Placenta praevia major case s/p lscs both mother and baby are recovering well
1. O&G electives settled. If I do not end up doing O&G then it will be my last lovely month with all the gravid women and their normal pregnancies or very interesting conditions and deliveries and lscs and ctg and speculums....
2. Bumped into the parents of baby I delivered and they introduced me to the grandmother as the one who delivered their child :)) and the baby is soo cute and they are so happy with the new addition to their family and learning how much milk the baby needs etc such a joy
3. Following up hydrops case that was there from my first week who got readmitted really so interesting!
4. Japan plans underway
5. DAY OFF!
6. Placenta praevia major case s/p lscs both mother and baby are recovering well
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Recently I have been having a feeling.... Maybe best described as an envy, or a longing to have someone so wonderful as your dad, that I can be as affectionate with as you are... Someone so successful, yet so loving and dotes on you guys unconditionally. Can't really articulate my feelings very well. I just can't help but think that he is so wonderful, and you are so lucky.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Best Day of Med School
Today is the last day of the 2nd week of M4 and possibly the Best Day of Med School Ever! So it deserves a post all on its own. :)
Ranks up there with the day I did the I&D in OT on my own, the day when I scrubbed for the hernia repair, the call when I scrubbed for 2 cases in the EOT, the first surgery I scrubbed up for (Hartmann's), the no-sleep surg calls we did at TTSH.
Back to today. It started with rounds which were pretty enjoyable and then clerking 3 good cases with CG mate then mini tutorial with a nice nurse. Then a lovely free lunch with dessert before the cervical incompetence talk where I suffered post-prandial drowsiness sigh.. Went for clinic with my prof and got to do VEs/speculum/bimanual exam/obstetric exam and discuss every case with all my questions answered! Towards the end of the clinic session, he got called for a delivery so we went to Delivery suite and I delivered my first baby!! And my first placenta and first epi-repair (((: Very pleased that my youtube handtie and instrument tie watching with K in the LT paid off :D Didn't make all those mistakes that I made with the pelvic trainer- real vagina is much easier to sew.
It was a happy and pretty strange experience.... Watching the baby's hair still at the introitus, putting my hand in and feeling the overlap of the skull bones, baby's head molding before my eyes, the curiosity about how the baby would look like when more of the head started to appear as it was occiput-anterior, the amazement that restitution is really automatic and suddenly the baby's face is facing you! And you finally see the face. The delivery of the body was so fast and in three seconds the whole baby is out and you are the first one who saw it and pulled it out! Then it lets out a cry and really surprised me hahaha. (I keep calling the baby it cuz I was so excited by everything and didn't notice the baby's sex- she was a baby girl.) Controlled cord traction is fun... the placenta is not the colour I expected. Also, much more bleeding than I'd expected, and less pain. Would love to see the mom and baby post-op and see how cute the baby is (usually they are quite ugly when born but turn super cute and red on post-delivery day one) and look at the mom's episiotomy scar, but tmrw's is Sat sigh.
It sounds like the delivery was the main highlight.. it was, but the clinic part contributed significantly too.
And I made an interesting discovery haha.... the prof that I followed may have delivered ME! Haha!
Ranks up there with the day I did the I&D in OT on my own, the day when I scrubbed for the hernia repair, the call when I scrubbed for 2 cases in the EOT, the first surgery I scrubbed up for (Hartmann's), the no-sleep surg calls we did at TTSH.
Back to today. It started with rounds which were pretty enjoyable and then clerking 3 good cases with CG mate then mini tutorial with a nice nurse. Then a lovely free lunch with dessert before the cervical incompetence talk where I suffered post-prandial drowsiness sigh.. Went for clinic with my prof and got to do VEs/speculum/bimanual exam/obstetric exam and discuss every case with all my questions answered! Towards the end of the clinic session, he got called for a delivery so we went to Delivery suite and I delivered my first baby!! And my first placenta and first epi-repair (((: Very pleased that my youtube handtie and instrument tie watching with K in the LT paid off :D Didn't make all those mistakes that I made with the pelvic trainer- real vagina is much easier to sew.
It was a happy and pretty strange experience.... Watching the baby's hair still at the introitus, putting my hand in and feeling the overlap of the skull bones, baby's head molding before my eyes, the curiosity about how the baby would look like when more of the head started to appear as it was occiput-anterior, the amazement that restitution is really automatic and suddenly the baby's face is facing you! And you finally see the face. The delivery of the body was so fast and in three seconds the whole baby is out and you are the first one who saw it and pulled it out! Then it lets out a cry and really surprised me hahaha. (I keep calling the baby it cuz I was so excited by everything and didn't notice the baby's sex- she was a baby girl.) Controlled cord traction is fun... the placenta is not the colour I expected. Also, much more bleeding than I'd expected, and less pain. Would love to see the mom and baby post-op and see how cute the baby is (usually they are quite ugly when born but turn super cute and red on post-delivery day one) and look at the mom's episiotomy scar, but tmrw's is Sat sigh.
It sounds like the delivery was the main highlight.. it was, but the clinic part contributed significantly too.
And I made an interesting discovery haha.... the prof that I followed may have delivered ME! Haha!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
For all the unpublished posts
Only 2.5h of sleep last night and I'm still thinking of watching Toy Story now? Or should I watch The sweetest thing instead.
Dozed off for ~2 mins total during lectures today. Think that was what inspired the tutor to buy all that soft drinks and chips for us haha cuz I was in his direct line of view and obviously trying my very best.
Today was the first time I placed my hands on a gravid abdomen. Baby was breech! Lord, please take care of the 25-weeker and heal the mommy's chorioamnionitis (got my tongue twisted on this word all day).
Dozed off for ~2 mins total during lectures today. Think that was what inspired the tutor to buy all that soft drinks and chips for us haha cuz I was in his direct line of view and obviously trying my very best.
Today was the first time I placed my hands on a gravid abdomen. Baby was breech! Lord, please take care of the 25-weeker and heal the mommy's chorioamnionitis (got my tongue twisted on this word all day).
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